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Wolf & Goddess
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| Nurture's flight plan got delayed until August 29th. She has a financial situation to take care of with her mother's will. | ||||||||||
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| Nurture's flight plan has been delayed until August 29th due to the fact that there are some financial issues she needs to take care of first. | ||||||
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| Anna is finally coming home tomorrow. She is flying into Nashville and I'm picking her up at the airport. I'm so excited. We have been waiting for this day for 3 months. It will be the happiest moment I've experienced so far to hold her in my arms and have our first kiss. I really love her. Anna has changed her religion. She is no longer Catholic. She has decided on Paganism and has embraced the Goddess. Her new Magickal Pagan name is Nurture. She is very proud of this name. I will be calling her Nurture from now on in subsequent postings. She wants me to teach her all I know about Paganism and I'm willing. She is a quick study because she grasps knowledge well. Nurture promises to be the type of woman who will do anything I ask of her. I'm a very lucky man. It takes a lot of trust and devotion for a woman to offer herself completely to her lover to be submissive to all his wants and needs, and it is a great gift to me, so I am quite thankful. She says that she wants to do all the cooking for me and to take over all the household chores as well as getting a job. She is remarkable. I told her that I would split the housework with her, but she insisted that I need to let her do all that stuff for me. She sees me as the boss and the authority in the relationship. She has even gone so far as to call me her Master. I really like and admire submissives since they exhibit such power and self-discipline. This is the woman of my dreams. I'm never letting this one go. | ||||||||||
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| FEELINGS EXPOSED It is right that I love you, Being that you're the one who Understands my very soul; Without you what would I do? For you are the very glue That fastens me to my goal; I would have to start anew And I'd be heartbroken too, But no one could play your role. Lasting love means all to me; Cherish me so I can be The close object of your care; Offer yourself into we, Make it us that's all you see; Give me your soul if you dare. I ask this affirmingly; Do not show obstinacy, You must love me anywhere. I hold to admiration; You'll see the demonstration, I'm your man reliable. At times we'll have occasion To express indication That all is wonderful; Sustain interpretation Of insight's information, Make love unconditional. | ||||||
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| Anna finally wrote to me. She answered my questions promisingly and chewed me out for being self-centered and not considering what she is going through. Can't say I blame her. I just get so fucking frustrated when she doesn't write me back because I start to have doubts about whether or not she still needs me anymore. I need to work on my patience and give her enough consideration towards being there for her even when she gets quiet. I'm not used to her yet. One day she expresses undying devotion, the next she totally ignores me. It's when the ignoring becomes days on end that the problem starts. Well no relationship is perfect so, I guess I'm just going to have to get used to a roller coaster ride. I hate it when she doesn't write me back. It agitates me so much that I just want to say fuck it all and drop the whole thing, but that's not going to bring her to me, now is it? I need to cool my engines. I'm burning too hot for being in the early phase of this relationship. If I don't step it down a peg or two, I'm gonna find myself burnt out. | ||||||||||
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| Dear Anna, I'm not interested in anyone who isn't willing to give their all to being in love with me because I'm ready for it right now. You should have given me indication sooner if you're not willing to give it your best shot. It was you who pointed out that we are still strangers. Why must I wait until we are together to get to know you? If you can't share yourself with me at this point, what makes you think I will believe that you will be honest with me when we meet? I'm available for you to love me in the present. I'm not going to wait until you are with me for you to describe yourself. Start talking or start walking. I can always find someone else who is willing to give loving me everything they've got and do it in a manner that satisfies me without me having to wait for GOD only knows how long to get simple answers out of them. I don't feel I should have to take a back seat while you make up your mind. I hope you are just ecstatic from trying to destroy what we have. You know what? I'm glad you clammed up again. That's right. Because it shows me just how shallow you expect our relationship to be. And for that I'm pleased because it does tell me who you are. You're a spoiled-rotten, little girl who thinks she can get whatever she wants by turning on the charm and when you don't get it your way, you avoid all responsibility for your actions no matter what the emotional cost to those people you try to use. And here I thought you were going to be dependable. Boy, was I ever wrong. I don't know you at all. And I'm starting to think that I need to keep as much distance as possible between you and myself. If you want to salvage this relationship, you better bring it on soon. I won't wait around for you forever, honey. | ||||||
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| Dear Anna, Why haven't you answered my questions? Why haven't you written? People who are in love share with each other about themselves. Why are you being silent with me again? I am highly displeased when you are ignoring and neglecting me. Aren't you ever going to come out and tell me about yourself? Should I just say "Good-bye" because you're not going to let me get to know you? You are being thoughtless and derelict by allowing this omission of the facts. I see this oversight as very careless. Does this mean that you don't really care about me at all? Are you really willing to pass over this chance with me? Maybe it's time for me to move on if you are only going to disregard me and leave me out in the cold. If you're not willing to tell me about yourself, maybe it's time to separate paths. I see signs that you want to discard this relationship. Is severing ties really what you want? Answer me. Why will you not submit to our love and talk to me on an honest level? Why are you retreating without a word? Don't you at least have the fortitude to tell me that you think it's not going to work out? Why silence? What the fuck is it that you are so afraid to give up by answering my questions? Don't you understand that you are not going to continue to get my devotion and attention if you don't talk to me openly? I love you, Anna. Don't leave me in the lurch. Instead of separating yourself from me, why don't you separate yourself from your pride and abandon the part of your behavior that keeps you from revealing who you are instead of abandoning me? I don't understand it unless you have been lying to me. You have already acquired my love for you and you have the benefit of me caring for you. Do you really want to break my heart? Keeping the benefits of what I offer depends on you giving of yourself. There is something you have to give up to continue to have me. You've got to let go of the silent treatment. I won't stand for it. Don't you see that giving up this bad behavior will allow you to more truly become my lover. You are only thinking in terms of yourself. When you are in a marriage, you've got to think in terms of "we" not just "I". This relationship can't survive if you are going to be closed-minded about it. We won't last. If you're not going to answer my questions and are giving up on us, at least have the nerve to tell me to go to Hell so that I know you're not interested anymore. Just leaving me hanging is so childish. | ||||||
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| Dear Anna, Should I expect nothing from you? I'm emotionally steady and that can play a significant role now as I want to be the rock that supports the one I love. Everyone seems to be demanding that I try to do the very best I can. But it really isn't too wise to give out all my energy without getting something in return so, I also have to make it a reality to be on the receiving end. Generosity is best shared. What are you willing to do for me? You haven't even answered the questions I sent to you yet. They are simple questions; every day, ordinary inquiries. If you are going to refuse to answer them, I'm going to have to assume that you have something to hide. After I sent you that e-mail, you went the whole day without contacting me like you were trying to avoid me. You responded to my next e-mail just fine, but it seems you've skipped over the important detail of dealing with the questions first. Are you hoping to just blow it off thinking that maybe I'll forget about it? You know I don't like your silence. You have disappointed me again. I want to be fair so, I'll give you a little time to answer my examination, but I had to speak up about it because there's no getting around the fact that if you won't let me get to know the real you, then you probably are not the girl for me in the long run. I have to know who you really are because I have to be sure where I am aiming for with you. Can't you do a little something for me and help me out by being honest? You're not being fair with me by withholding information about yourself. If you have nothing to hide, then do something about it and speak up. I won't play silly games with you. If your only goal is to get the money I'm saving, then you better think again because it's my money and I'll do with it as I like. I will send the money when I have enough saved that it will make a difference. And I expect you to give me the name and address of the travel agency you are going through because I want to send payment directly to them so that you won't decide to use the money on something else instead, like maybe drugs. I'm pretty careful when it comes to money so, I want to make sure that the deposit goes directly to pay for your travel arrangements. I will be paying it straight to the travel agency. It won't be coming Western Union this time. So think about what you are doing. You need to answer my questions. You can't always put your own wants before what others need from you and expect them to be helpful when you're wanting something more from them. It's just not reasonable to assume so. You keep saying that it takes a lifetime to show and build love. Well since that is true, I'm willing to take my time with it and do it right. And the right thing to do for now, being that we are apart and can't be together yet, is to make the most of it by becoming closer through our writing and getting to know one another better for the sake of our future in this relationship. If you only feel that it's a waste of time to share more about yourself, then you are holding back for reasons that only give me doubts about who you really are and I will take it very personally and dishearteningly. There has to be some give-and-take here or else I won't actually believe you love me until you show up at my airport. So get to work on what I need from you, that is, if you really love me. | ||||||
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| My Dear Anna, It was such a pleasure to chat with you again, my love. You are always so courteous with me that I find it refreshing. I love your character and the chemistry between us. You always behave very lady-like and I appreciate that a lot. I'm glad that you know how to focus on trust, sincerity and honesty for without them a relationship can be very shallow. That's why I want to get to know you better and better. The more better I know you, the more better I am suited to respond lovingly to who you've become. You can't change the past. You can only change yourself and your destiny. All you have is the present. The past is gone and the future is not here yet. You are who you are because of all the things you have done in your life right up to now. And right now, we have each other. I want to know more about you, more about where you have gone, the things you have done, who you've become because you are so important to me. I want to know the things you like and dislike. I want to know what it is that has made you such a wonderful person. I want to know these things so that I can believe in you even more and feel the closeness with you all the more better. Trust me that you won't let me down with anything you tell me. You said in one of your letters that you choose to love me in silence for in silence you find no rejection. This was important but I didn't like reading that really. I don't want you to have to hold back because you are afraid I will deny or discard you for something. I don't want you to have to remain quiet about yourself because you are afraid I will abandon you or refuse you my love. I don't want you to have to love me in silence because you might be afraid I will decline involvement with you or throw you away. I hate to have to bring it up again, but it was your silence in the first place that made me feel like we really might not have had something at all. It is also important that you know the person you love because when you don't really know the person you are with eventually you feel like you are separated from them. The more I know about you the more better I can love you for who you are, honey. Do you understand this? Let's talk more please. And I want you to feel free to ask any question about me at all. I will tell you anything you need to know. I trust you with my heart so, I know I can trust you with knowing things about me. Sometimes you don't answer my questions on Messenger. I feel kind of like you are not sure that you want me to know the real you maybe because you don't have enough faith in yourself. So I want you to know that I think you are a very strong woman both mentally and emotionally. I believe you can handle just about anything. I think you work very hard to overcome obstacles and that you have built up your strengths over time and those strengths serve you well. I think you are a good caretaker, but that doesn't mean that I can't take care of you too. I feel that you haven't had too much luck in the love department and it maybe makes you question yourself, but no matter how many disappointments you have already faced, I know you can make it work with me because you are caring, respectful, responsible, understanding, loving, affectionate, sweet, kind, romantic, imaginative, perceptive, charming, generous, benevolent and practical. Just because you are timid doesn't mean that I won't love you. I think timid and bashful are attractive. Your modesty is seductive. But please don't be afraid to share with me about yourself. Of course you are free to do whatever you want, but I think you know yourself well enough that you know you want to trust me with your dedication. So since you care so much about me, you should trust me that I'm not going to reject you just from finding out about you. OK? | ||||||
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| The following entries are correspondence I sent to Anna and then heard nothing back from her about them. It seems she doesn't want a real relationship or else she wouldn't neglect me by disrespecting my online time with her and deciding to not answer me at all. She has withdrawn into her own little world and it seems that my efforts to get her to come forward and confront letting me get to know the real her went without deference to keeping our relationship going. | ||||||||
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| A conversation between Anna and I early morning May 28, 2008: Tala: Hello baby Anna Western: morning my babyboy Tala: I woke up early. Couldn't sleep anymore. Anna Western: i am just woke up Tala: I've been looking at your photo. Anna Western: hey i love that Anna Western: i am thinking about u Anna Western: i love u so much Tala: Ditto. Love you so much. Anna Western: i love more than u can think of Tala: haha That makes me smile. Tala: Did you sleep well? Anna Western: yes i do when i talk with u Tala: You must be glad I came back to you. Tala: I'm not mad anymore Tala: I got over it Anna Western: yes i am Anna Western: thanks Tala: Other women can't keep me away from you. Tala: I was worried though. I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore. Anna Western: yes you are all for me Anna Western: never worry okay Anna Western: I am yours for ever Anna Western: it only take a seconds to say I love you but a life time to build and share it Tala: True Anna Western: I think you already have my back and I am sure we have something to share in this virtual land Anna Western: you know when I am in love I don't stop showing my innnermost feelings to see the beautiful inside of me not the outside world Anna Western: sometimes I speak so blunt and go straight to point Tala: That's fine. Anna Western: and now I am letting you know that I can't let go of you Tala: That is so sweet. Anna Western: you know you have created an impact in my life so no doubt okay Tala: okay Tala: I want to be together the rest of our lives. Anna Western: I so much believe you and I want you for real with a good reason Tala: brb need some coffee Anna Western: togetherness is what we hope Tala: back Tala: I'm glad I couldn't sleep so I can talk to you. Anna Western: yes I know...lol Tala: LOL Tala: I miss you Anna Western: in my heart there you are....lol Tala: I wrote about you in my Blog. Anna Western: do me a favour sweetie Anna Western: I want you to keep something for me and I will ask it back when times goes on Anna Western: can you keep that?? Tala: Keep what, honey? [pause] Anna Western: talk to me hun Tala: What do you want me to keep? Anna Western: okay Anna Western: I want you to keep my love safely in your heart without it broken or changeable with anyone Tala: Oh THAT. I will always keep you in my heart and give love back to you, Babygirl. Anna Western: find a place in your heart for my love to flow Anna Western: I am doing the same here Tala: You excite me. Anna Western: yes Anna Western: all I want is your love Tala: I want to be together. Anna Western: sincerity and honesty upfront plays a vital role in a relationship and I believe you can assure my safety with you when I come over Anna Western: yes togetherness is what I hope shortly Tala: Yes, I will keep you safe. Tala: I like to be honest. And I am sincere that I love you so much it's troubling to be apart from you. Anna Western: not only safety but not to share me with anyone Tala: LOL Oh NO, you will be all mine. No sharing. Anna Western: of course, why are you laughing.. Anna Western: I am very serious in this affair believe me Tala: I thought it was a little funny that you would even think that I'd share you with another man. Anna Western: hope you can feel and sense me through my words to you Tala: I do pretty well with it. Anna Western: no man. no one except you "TRUST" me okay? Tala: I do trust you. Anna Western: I do always keep all my words for real and I hope this will come to reality of mind soonest Tala: I count on being seen as trustworthy by keeping my word. Anna Western: it's growing genuinely and it will magically turn to something meaningful soonest if you believe Anna Western: okay good Tala: I am loyal, Anna. And when I'm in love, I love with all of me, all my heart. Anna Western: ok that is good Tala: I'm sorry I was confused and thought I needed Mandy. I had to make up my mind quick and I would rather have you, my love. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Tala: I never want you to be hurt. Anna Western: me too when i am love i love with my heart Tala: Did you like the poem I wrote for you??? Anna Western: yes i do babyboy Tala: I will write you more, OK? Tala: I can't think of anyone I would rather write love poems to. Tala: What do you think of "Hysteria" as our song? Is that OK with you? Tala: When you are in love as much as we are, you have to have a song. [long pause] Tala: What are you doing now? Busy? [pause] Anna Western: are you there hun? Tala: Yes. I was waiting for an answer to my question. [pause] Anna Western: busy chatting with you Tala: Is your boyfriend there? Anna Western: I will need to do some laundry soonest okay hun? Tala: Do you have your boyfriend there with you right now? Anna Western: stop that Anna Western: i hate it okay Anna Western: don't accuse me of what I was not doing Anna Western: alright? Anna Western: did you hear me just now?? Tala: I'm just teasing, Anna. I know you don't have a boyfriend. Take it easy, honey. I'm just funning with you. Anna Western: your teasing is growing so hard Tala: I'm sorry, Babygirl. I won't say that anymore. You are precious to me. Anna Western: better Ah, new love. So integral yet challenging. I couldn't hope for a more serious woman. | ||||||||||||
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| Since I went into such detail about how I felt about Mandy, I thought it would only be just to go a little deeper into Anna so that people will stop telling me that I made the wrong choice. Anna is young and strong. She also has emotional stamina. I believe she can handle just about anything. She leads somewhat of a charmed life and has worked hard to build her strengths which serve her well. She enjoys overcoming obstacles and does it well. She hasn't had much luck in the love department, but sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince. She has been disillusioned about sex, but now knows that I will be an appreciative partner. She is idealistic being on the verge of quixotic but she balances it well by keeping her head out of the clouds and accepting herself as a realistic, physical person. She likes to spend money because it makes her feel good. She will accomplish more than me financially and has a lot of potential to work her way up the ladder. She appreciates others enough to be seen as a good caretaker, but is not reluctant to want to let me take care of her. Her sense of humor is mild and she develops it with you little by little. She has peace of mind and is mentally sound. She isn't watching the clock and doesn't think I'm too old for her. She's caring and loving and worthy of my affections. I think about Anna every day and I look at her picture a lot. She is so beautiful to me. I would be a lucky man to have her. She is special. She is one of a kind. I do want her and I need her love. I'm so grateful that she picked me out of all the people she could have chosen. She has exceptional character. I can only hope that she won't become inhibited to be mine. I can't wait to stroke her pretty, soft, blonde hair. I long to look deep in her beautiful eyes and tell her that I love her. I yearn to hold her in my arms and let her feel my affection. I have a craving to kiss her sexy lips and will do so as soon as we meet. I hunger to make love to her so we can be as close as possible. I desire to have her in my life so I can care for her the way a real man does for the one he loves. I wish she were here already so I could show her what she means to me. | ||||||||||||
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| Anna says that she's my fiancè. Mandy says that she's my girlfriend. Both know that there is another woman. Something has to change. I have to free myself from one of them. I've created a situation that has a conflict of interest. I know I'm free to do what I want, but I won't get anywhere trying to hold on to both of them because it wouldn't be fair since both women are looking for a one woman man. I guess the conflict of interest is that I can't have the model wife and the prototype girlfriend at the same time without repercussions. I need to break free from the constricting identification with being polyamorous. I should choose the one that loves me the most. It's only fair to myself since I'm giving up a life of having multiple lovers which I would prefer, but only know that I wouldn't be serving my own best interests in this case. Anna has finally contacted me. She was upset that I sent some harsh words in my e-mails while she was being silent. She doesn't like it at all that another woman has interest in me. She says that she wants me for herself alone. Such devotion from her is refreshing. I was having some fun online with Mandy while Anna was incommunicado. Anna's return has interrupted my good time. It woke me up. Anna is very serious about making me her one and only without interference from other women. Mandy respects that. I do too. I want Anna, but I was kind of secretly hoping that she saw fit to move on without me and wasn't going to contact me anymore. But then, whenever she comes online and starts talking to me again, it all comes right back into play and I fall for her all over again. This could be a really good thing as I like being in a relationship with someone that makes me fall in love with them again and again day after day. So since I need to make a choice, I'm going to lay it on the line. I choose Anna. She's the one that gives herself to me. She's the one that was destined to seek me out and try so hard to win my heart. She's the one that's dedicated to marrying me. She's the one that wants to consecrate things by living together. She's the one that worships me. How can I go wrong? I think I could tell if I were going to regret it. | ||||||||||||
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| I know I just posted about Anna, but then there's Mandy Jo. I still love her. This is Mandy.  I want her as much as I want Anna. I know you're probably saying, "What's wrong with you?" Well the fact of the matter is that I have feelings for two women. I'm not all that conflicted about it because I am a polyamorous person which means I'm capable of loving more than one person at once. What does conflict me is that I want a monogamous relationship with one woman, not one with two. I can be my own worst enemy at times. Mandy has a deep, mysterious beauty. She's totally confident, proud and magnetic. She is all woman and very close to my age so, I don't feel like there's a generation gap. She is glamourous and incredibly seductive. Mandy has had no problem catching my heart. I have an honest need to share my life with her, I yearn for her to desire me, and I have been searching for the woman that has the same similarities as me for a long time and I thought I finally found her. Mandy is my dream girl. I'm extremely pleased that she finally came out and showed feelings for me, but she is very timid and believes in taking things slow to make sure that a relationship is the right thing. If she would have just said that she'd be mine, I would've been true to her. I have to be clear with myself. Mandy won't be mine if Anna stands in the way. So I'm not really making progress with either of them because right now Anna isn't even communicating with me and it makes me feel left out in the cold by both of them. But they are not the enemy. I am the enemy. The confusing situation that exists that I see as MY problem comes from within me. The outer circumstance of there being two women is just a reflection of my own inner turmoil. Why can't I make a decision and stick to it? It's because I'm just insecure enough to take the one that will have me first. I know I will have to settle on one or the other sooner or later. At least the two of them are not fighting over me. I don't want to be the cause of a clash. I want to be responsible for Mandy's well-being. I respect her. I care about her an awful lot. I want to get to know her better and better as the years go by and be as close as I can without losing myself. I need Mandy because I love her. With Anna it's a slightly different story. It's more of a selfish love. I love Anna because I need her and that's not a very good start to make because in an adult relationship one shouldn't really put their own needs before their love for a person. There's a distinction with Mandy though because I feel I can put my love for her before what I need from her. With Anna I want something in return. With Mandy I just want to give. Can you see why I'm conflicted over having to choose one woman? On the one hand I get to give of myself as much as I want and grow emotionally from the superior connection and on the other hand I get to receive the devotion of a younger woman and satisfy myself with her focus on pleasing me because I'm more experienced and she would be someone dedicated to taking care of me for a change. I have it good being at the beginning of something new with both of them, but the question is: Which path is it that I'm going to take? Karma has dealt me a hand that says "Wait and see" but sometimes that isn't always so easy on the heart. To my Mandy: Blossom, I love you and you can always come to me and I will drop everything for you. If you decide to come to terms with being mine, I will have a lifetime of bliss and I promise it won't be a disappointing partnership. You have been a Divine Angel who is such a godsend sent to show me that happiness is really possible. | ||||||||||
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I'm in love again, but this time it's returned. Her name is Anna and we are engaged to be married. Here's her photo: She is 13 years my junior and we met through AIM Profiles. Anna contacted me first with her interest in me which is what I wanted because I had given up on searching for a girlfriend. I decided that if there was ever to be a Miss Right again, she would come to me and I got my wish. She loves me and accepted my marriage proposal. We haven't even met in person yet. She is stuck in London, England and we are doing everything we can to get her home to me. I can hardly wait until we can be together. If you notice further on in my Blog, there are a number of poems to women. All these were potential girlfriends that it didn't work out with. They just didn't want to or couldn't love me. I posted their poems in honor of the memory of what little we did at least share while it was appropriate. Now I want to share with you my poem to Anna since most people seem to like my poetry. There may even be more to come. An Ode To My Anna Your warmth it melts my heart You touch it with such care But yet we are worlds apart I'm lost while you are there I regard you with such passion Your noble and tender way It is in a loving fashion That I want you every day You fill me with such feeling That I have no other goals But to set your heart a reeling And meld our very souls Please come home to me We fit just like a glove Then you'll surely see I want you as my love Your care is so divine There is no other plan I will make you mine And be your only man To my Anna: I love you so much, Babygirl. You've captured my heart completely and you have all my love. | ||||||||||||
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| An Ode To Mandy Jo Your locks just like the raven Your heart so like the dove You have become my haven So won't you be my love? A precedent I have set I won't give up the fight It could just become my habit To be with you every night I refuse to let you go I want you all my life Don't deny what could be so I'd have you as my wife I can't let you isolate Yourself away from me Just so happens that it's fate You're the only one I see I think about you all the time Can't get you off my mind GOD willing it is not a crime If love in your heart you find Take me always, I am yours I'd do anything you say I do love you, I am sure There isn't any other way | ||||||
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| Untitled Evidence of a kindred soul I can see within your eyes... Everlasting celebration in the stratum of your very being... Retaining your singularity for your meandering dance, I imprison myself in your gaze until I can comprehend myself no more... A procession with side effects frequented for my greed of your attention irresistible and potent... May I occupy your path with you? | ||||||
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| Chase Persuaded She reminds me of a cool, renewing breeze in Summer. Like an old, familiar school friend we have somehow clicked. I long to see her running unfettered on a sandy beach, glowing under the Sun. I pursue onward with this quest because I would feel dreadful without her there. Is this the end of delusion or is the success only illusory? She reminds me of a newborn baby with her unsolicited tenderness. Where once I was broken and lonely, I now have life beating in my heart again. So open-minded, I'm astonished that she receives me with no surprise. Like lavender and baby's breath she is kindly to the eye. Maybe she was born of nobility. She reminds me of... perfection. | ||||||
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| I've made a new online friend on the justsayhi.com dating site. Her name is Sara. She's an Aquarius. She's very capable of moving me to effectual reasoning and hopeful happiness. I like her a lot. Sara focuses well on communication. I like the fact that we are two different sides to the same argument. We are both of our own element, but we are attuning with each other towards uniting as friends where we will be able to see the same goal ahead of us. She augments my own inner worth. Sara may not realize it yet, but she is allowing me to rely on her so that I don't feel so lonely, so that I have a friend I can treat with respect. She is rather resistant to me taking the lead, which is in my Leo nature, and attempting to make things happen for us. So I wait, trying to do the right thing by seeing her trepidation clearly. Patience is the reward of patience. I'm trying to neutralize my refusal to not push forward quickly, but it's so hard when I see her as one of the sweetest people I've ever come across. So, our journey is towards uniting as friends. I'm concerned with nothing less than unobstructed connection. But friendship cannot be forced so, I'm now attempting to regulate excessive authoritarian actions of pressuring her too much as there's good reason for her timidity. She continues to stand apart from me, even when I'm being like-minded. With her, it's like the notion of strength through partnership doesn't apply. It's almost as if she doesn't want to give up the burden of loneliness although she says that she empathizes with me in that feeling. I want to be more supportive of her plight, but she's so hesitant to work with me on it that I feel that a breakthrough may not be made for some time to come. We've made a strong start, but maybe my footing is already slipping. | ||||||||||||
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| On February 7, 2008, The Honorable Judge Elinore Stormer granted me early termination from my probation. It was upon request of the Adult Probation Department and all remaining costs and fees are waived. Now I'm free to travel where I want, whenever I want and I don't have to get permission first. | ||||||||||||
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| Pandora You inspire me to fondness Feel like a lover boy, yes Could you hold me dear? Seduce me coming near? I'd be tender. Would be your flame. If you'd lovingly whisper my name. My inclination to desire you is beyond regard I've become enamored and to not favor you is hard. Lovelorn I await with desire in my heart like a shard of glass that needs me to play my card. Yearning to feel the passion Attraction my obsession You should be my lady love I was told from above With every word spoken I need you as my love token My inclination to desire you is beyond regard I've become enamored and to not favor you is hard. Lovelorn I await with desire in my heart like a shard of glass that needs me to play my card. You're my fancy. I your admirer. It's you that I carry a torch for. It's a pleasure knowing you're there. I think about you everywhere. Happens that it's my heart you stole. I've fallen for you. Make me whole. | ||||||
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| Nyxana Her smile so light and airy Is it that she's a faery? She's not coy, not this one Talks when the talk's begun Reserved is more like it A distance that won't quit What pain is it that she's in? Was she taunted about sin? Her stifled side being a shadow That others see, they just don't know Trouble recognized but so denied In her silence as if she tried Questions come up in my mind In that restraint what will I find? Maybe she's just reconsidering Some small part of her being To rectify this or that could be her want Balancing herself in her jaunt Could I become an ally to her? Facing obstacles in this blur The world is impersonal, my dear There's no need for any fear Take my hand, I'll get you there Happiness is everywhere | ||||||
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Your Score: AphroditeGods! You scored 58!You are most like the Goddess Aphrodite! Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, fertility and desire. Although she was married she had many affairs with both other gods and men - most famously with Ares. Her husband Hephaestus caught them in a net he had made and paraded them in front of the other gods. Aphrodite is mean, vain and jealous, and most often depicted with a mirror.
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| Instinctual Essence The natural force of my desire is cruel to me. It's pitiless in making me know the plain to see. Mental anguish in directing thoughts to less dilemma. Passage from difficulty is agony by way of trauma. I despair, for my love is miles away from here. Discouraged because in caring I face much fear. By separation I've succeeded in being hopeless. This accomplishment it makes me a mess. An ambitious woman that causes me to worry hard. Not knowing what to do next I let down my guard. If there's no change I'll continue to suffer. Heart aching and troubled it keeps getting rougher. I persevere but my patience is at a loss. A forfeiture of time as if losing the toss. The power of it all overtaking me with depression. An all-time low of feelings is my confession. Her being so voluptuous is a malevolence. Because I miss her with such persistence. I'm so selfish with my lust as a burden. Hindered like being subject to a warden. Oppression, lies and shame life has brought my way. Love me or let me out so that I know what to say. | ||||||
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| Past the Rift Letting go isn't easy, plain to see though. Ain't it so, would be more pleasing. Can I travel? Can I tame it? If I knew its name would it unravel? Take hold of your mind, man. Take time to review life and its holdings! I'm letting go...must let go. I'm setting so...let me know. Hold, hold strong to your convictions Let them know. The world should know Don't let it become just a prediction Make way for the now. Make way for the more. Let it go. Let it all the way go. When you're there you'll be the most sure! Time heals all wounds. Sing that as your tune. There's infinity to be found. Holding on doesn't make that sound. Change ain't permanent but is constant. Mind over matter this very instant. No one can tell you so can they? It's in your heart, find that way. Moving on can be so slow. But you shouldn't even let that show. Distance between you and the past. The rift be healed moving on is fast. Put it behind you now, man. Past the rift, that is the plan. | ||||||
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| Spiritual Bias Hark! Vow to happier circumstance. Fight for the right of the undenied. Safe to save it for fate. Do what is right, not what you should. What have I done that's so wrong? Have you made it with anyone else? My heart fades. I have never been so embarassed in my whole life. He wasn't focused on me at all. How do I halt something that isn't in the works? Share, share with me A life alone is all I can see I'll share, share with you Life together is a better thing we do Hold! Hold tight to me, baby. Hold tight. I can't face that music yet. Wherewith I'm unaccompanied. It all is over. What wasn't working still never will. No hoax too great will we escape. Dead silence is incompatible. Safe to say if not for fate. Holding to my own I can't take the trade-off. Captured under your spell with a spiritual bias. | ||||||
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| Aftermath Path There I cower. Stood before you. In my wonder. Can't adore you. Why my way, can't stand to play There you have it. Grand stand day! Call us rivals. They call us quits. I am gullible. You're the pits. There I cower. Backed in a corner. You killed my heart. And I'm the mourner. Vacant, vacant soul It's me you'd never know Traveling my path Now all aftermath Up against the wall Life without a cause Tumbled for the fall Vacant, vacant soul Touch, touch too much. Holding to my crutch. Take, take no more. Death to me as such. Grand stand day. I am in your way. Reprimanded pay. Don't you ever stay. Calling to me are the wars. Holocaust survivor is my surprise. Future looking like much more. Every night again my heart dies. | ||||||
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| I love you no more Death by resonance, Dealt by resistance. Good good vibrations turning to a turning point. Vibratory measure a merriment ain't. Victory in disaster. Holy Hell hereafter. Defend thy right to punish, punishment so sublime the time to arise is now. Falsify thy heart Master of the dance Macabre tender yet daring Masacred for the sharing Bring on the start Charter of the chance Hold me to no caring Wicked turn of events; you'd chop off my balls if you could, sweet darling. Staring blankly at no wall, do they have ears or is fear ranging far reaching? I see you now clearly You and your twisted lies | ||||||
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| Death to be killed So sad it must be true Devastation between me and you I can't feel. I can't think. My mind is beginning to stink You left me so far away Why this price must I pay? Torture, torture me please Anything that you should need Just don't leave me alone any longer, you the one being gone Hell is close to my heart You've already ripped it apart I need strength that I don't have You know you mattered to me Where are we now? please tell me I can't stand this new start Holding on to the nothing I have now Oh so lonely, I don't know how I can't face another day to come Time apart welcome to some My heart breaking again and again I just want to ask where have you been? I can't take it anymore You're not even there for me to adore My heart so cold, lonely and broke Our whole affair went up in smoke! Hell is close to my heart You've already ripped it apart I need strength that I don't have You know you mattered to me Where are we now? please tell me I can't stand this new start | ||||||
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| Show you know tomorrow I know it hurts and I know I know But that's just the way it goes it goes to show I loved her more than you that's how it goes Because she'll always be my flowering rose I want your eyes upon me and open wide There's nothing now that I really have to hide But there I stood when she walked away that lonesome day That stand she can never, ever, ever take away. I love her more than you know Always Always I love her more than you show Always Today, Tomorrow Hold to twilight, hold to rest. It's not just a request. My heart won't beat a fierce contest. But it's my heart that knows best! She'll sing to me in night and in sleep time; So fine, she is so fine! My heart to you, to you, Love, lives only in crime. I can hold my own but my eyes don't dry. She's gone, you see, neither by my side; neither of you there. I'm taken aback by the matter of fact. And my cry, my cry is painted black. Pain beyond compare! | ||||||
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| Twining Twinning Respective. Collection. Mesmerous. Treacherousness. Hold out. Fall out. Molded. Soldiering. The make is to make me hate again. Crave. Salvation. Savior. Resevior. Call out. Head out. Solidity. Morbiditude. Sure the pressure is to make me meager. Food-fest. Goodly. Good. God. Send out. Spend out. Coldest. Foldering. So the push is to make me meek. Tried. Died. Tired. Inspired. Be out. Seen out. Feared. Geared. Can there be two of me? | ||||||
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| Medieval Whispers Willow wisps and widdershins Unicorns and gremlins O fair maiden thou art fair Beauty like yours I've seen ne'er Dragons bow to your likes Even the kind that have spikes Elvenkind and dwarvens too Cannot hold a candle to you Star maiden, star rider Aracne boldly on her spider Lovers holding to thy own Demeter's beauty never gone Like the tower burning bright Brigit's lust by duty right Careful to tread lightly My heart may be flighty I'm like the warrior who desires not but in your arms to be taught Kings' ransoms, gold abounds It's in your halo up and down Characterization I love you, realization | ||||||
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| OVERHOLD Magnitude proportionate Happily diplomatic Hanging on the momentous Differentiate esteem Total control Fanaticism complex Complexity totality Moments notice Alive Require me to stay alive Inspire me to just decide Living, living, living, life Hold down the fort, baby Whipping my dream into shape Striving, striving, striving, strife Conglomerate positioning Welcoming changes Intensity divine Inspired by the higher Trepidation of salvation Power galore Windmilling windows Life too precious Ignorance vexing me | ||||||
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| I'm a Quitter I quit. Dang it. I hang it up. Cold turkey. I could smother. My mother told me not to. Why'd I start? Dad died. I spied my first pack. I gave up... on never having been one before. It seems I quit one way for another. I'm done. It's done. Isn't it? Done? I said I could do it. I did it before. I had to. Do it. Just do it. Quit. Fake it till you make it. Make it after you fake it. Whatever! I'm fake but I can quit that. Down on my luck. I turn it down. The chance of a lifetime. I gotta stop. I can't. Don't. No. Where am I? Just one more. I'm a quitter. | ||||||
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| Abstract Adjustable Wrapped up in heavenly delights I am not. Like a rat in a cage I am caught. Far from the truth here. Wrapped up in heavenly delights? Clear? Told you so. Told you so. Told you so. If I had that one thing I miss I could let go. Could it be something that I don't even know? Told you so. Told you so. Told you but the answer is no. Wrapped up in heavenly delights I am not. What is missing that makes me a sot? Is there something after which I have sought? I know now it's the attitude I haven't got. | ||||||
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| Mistrust Where are you? Are you here? Why must I be so frightened? Will you ever look my way? Why has wracking pain tightened? Wealth forever in my soul Left behind and now I grow into a new life of sorrow yet felt in hunger as I tighten my belt Where are you? Are you here? Why am I dedicated unto this? What shall I say if not hello? Good-bye would make me feel like piss. Show me the story book line My fellows ailing as well this time Have all the heart-felt years gone by? You will not read the Book of Nigh Where are you? Are you here? Differentiation is most clear Welcome initiation given time You can't hold me unless you're near | ||||||
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| Theraputic Indemnity Reaching the indestructible desire My life force is on fire Solemnity my will inspire I've taken it to the limit here Listen now and give an ear Placed like a bird on a wire Circumstantial evidence most dire I need a second opinion for hire No talk too fancy for the end of it Where I go there is no threat But here I can't get it to quit Folks now jeer and smear and leer Why must I live my life in fear? Join me now and take a sit Realization makes me want to spit Retaliation is all I get Depression again I am under Everything I do just a blunder Gasping for air my life asunder Waiting long for the atmosphere to clear The time approaching almost near Already left you behind in timely dunder Placated now but my heart like thunder When I'm gone will it be any wonder? | ||||||
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| Earthquake Viscious cycle attitude Misinterpretted interlude Why a love so crude? Like a cactus in the wind Consecration, just begin Far too gone and then again Shake shake me up Crocodile's teeth snapping tight Going down without a fight First in my eyes then out of sight Frightening love for other guys Brought my heart down to size Out of sight then in my eyes Shake shake me up Shark bite intense and extreme All is not as it would seem Bite off my head as you would deem Charged by off the wall circumstance Is it all just happenstance? Give it up or is it that you can't Shake shake me up | ||||||
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| The new Witch always seeks deliverance but it is to enhance their freedom not to put themself under the restraint of a crutch. They've seen a future state ahead of them that they come to find isn't predestination. They make themself intangible to that destiny. Starting at a point of originality they move into a place of uniqueness. If they do not progress forward into the hard work of Witchcraft they will find their enthusiasm unsustainable. This is the point when the true change takes place and they find release through the destruction of who they were in the past. They are not abandoning their success from the past just moving into the phase of declining an interest in things that aren't beneficial. It's a pleasurable change and their well-being will be so noted. All Witches desire to be dominant in their magickal workings and through rarely tolerating failure in themselves they find adaptability, continuity of resolution, serene influence, dynamic appeal and altruism. Witchcraft is a wealth of magickal creativity where seeking only material gain rather than spiritual amplification is an act in futility. | ||||||||||||
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| 1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open it to page 161. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. 5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you. "To modern witches, the word familiar means many things, but does not include demons or pacts with the devil." THE TEMPLE OF SHAMANIC WITCHCRAFT ~Christopher Penczak~ | ||||||||||||
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| I found out yesterday that my probation transfer to Tennessee is approved. Officers went to my mothers place and notified her that I would be coming on down. I'm to see my probation officer this morning to see if the orders for my reporting have come through yet and hopefully I'll be rolling on down the road in a Greyhound bus in a few days time. I can't wait to get there. First thing I want to do is order a pizza delivery. I also want to go grocery shopping and get all kinds of good stuff having had to eat jail, hospital and half-way house food for the past 14 months. I'm so excited I could just burst. I'll be moving in with my mom at first. My sister is looking for a 4 bedroom place to rent so her, her husband, my two neices, my mom and I can all live together. One big happy family event I think. I love my neices and sister dearly and will just love living with them for a change. So I'm leaving this place where I have no ties behind me. Good-bye Akron. Tennessee or bust. | ||||||||||||
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On the twelfth day of Christmas,  wolf2feathers sent to me...Twelve arizona_angels shoppingEleven glassjedis writingTen vamprys a-campingNine rionnas bikingEight holynecromancers a-readingSeven auroradreams a-smokingSix redheads a-gardening Five hypno-o-o-osis Four nocturnal activities Three board games Two card games ...and a reincarnation in an astrology. | ||||||
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| I have one more day of Intensive Outpatient Program to do and I'll be cleared for discharge from the S.H.A.R.P. program. I'm currently awaiting my paperwork to come back from Tennessee for the transfer of my probation. I'm shooting for Jan. 5th as my departure date. Almost time to say, "Good-bye," to Ohio. Sorry, honey I won't miss you! | ||||||||||||
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| If you haven't seen this movie yet, I recommend NOT going to see it. It sucked rotten eggs. And talk about boring. | ||||||||||||
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| Today is my court date. I appear for sentencing in less than an hour. Wish me luck. I hope to get probation as my attorney has assured me of no jail time. Of course it's up to the judge. Hopefully this time tomorrow I'll be updating here again with good news. | ||||||||||||
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| I'm back in Oriana House and on probation. Next stop is Tennessee (hopefully!). Drop me a note if you missed me. I was away for a while in a state hospital. Man oh man, if I don't stop getting sent to psych-wards in this lifetime I won't have any stops left Karmically in future lives. he he | ||||||||||||
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This process is an old way in Witchcraft developed in Europe first. When we plan to do magick, we have two sides of the brain to contend with. If we plan magick with both sides of the brain at once, we know physically that god and goddess are involved. Being god and goddess during our magick mentally will enable us to evolve our magick with balance and inner harmony. Creative work and abstract work from one side of the brain along with orderly work and concrete thought from the other welcome the divine forces into our Circle. If we train for it for a year and a day, we will be taken to a level of dividing it outside of Circle. This allows us the proper protection; 2 X 2. Witchcraft name QUIX. Pagan name TALA HOTYK. | ||||||||||
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Wolf & Goddess
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